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On the Epidemic of Fatherlessness in the Black Community


In 1965, the Assistant Secretary of Labor, Daniel Patrick Moynihan, commissioned a report on the state of the African-American family. The report was titled, The Negro Family: The Case for National Action. This famed report, which was later commonly referred to as “The Moynihan Report,” resulted in a great deal of controversy, but it unequivocally illustrated the glaring familial disparities that have existed between white and black families. One of the most striking findings of the report was that in 1960, approximately 30 % of black children were being raised within a single parent household, which was a far cry from the 10 % of white children being raised within a single parent household (United States & Moynihan, 1965). Unfortunately, these statistics have continued to rise, and the most recent statistics indicate that roughly 65 % of black children are being raised within a single parent household, whereas approximately 25 % of white children are being raised by single parents (Livingston, 2018). Often times when the nuclear family structure dissolves, it is the mother that serves as the custodial parent, although it should be noted that there are indeed exceptional cases where the father is the primary caretaker. However, the unfortunate reality is that on the whole, fatherlessness is plaguing our society, and this epidemic has had the most pernicious effect on black children.

It is an unfortunate fact that if one is raised without a father, he or she is more likely to be rendered absent of sufficient guidance and discipline. This is in part because traditionally, fathers provide discipline, whereas mothers furnish nurturance and compassion. Of course, these are not strict rules, as it is certainly more advantageous for children when both of their parents properly exercise their capacities for discipline and compassion. However, generally speaking, the traditional paternal ethos is characterized by discipline, whereas the traditional maternal spirit is more tilted towards nurturance and compassion.

Being raised without a father is especially a problem for boys, as fathers play a major role in regulating the aggression of boys and teaching them how to properly harness their aggression. If one respects their father, who generally stands as a proxy for authority, this respect is likely to generalize to other purveyors of authority in the non-domestic sphere (e.g., school teachers, employers, law enforcement officers). In order for boys to develop into socially sophisticated, disciplined, academically astute, responsible, and professionally accomplished men that contribute to the welfare of society, they need their fathers to be a regular presence in their lives.

As for girls, they need their fathers to serve as proxies for authority and discipline too, but they also need them to affirm their value and to teach them what they ought to expect from men. Unfortunately, if such a paternal presence isn’t there, there’s a high probability that the girl may grow up with low self-esteem and accept untoward treatment from men, because even untoward treatment is preferred over not being shown any attention at all. As a general rule, attention is the preferred currency of children, and if a girl grows up without the regular attention of her father, she may settle for adverse attention from other men because her barometer for positive attention was never properly set.

There are many historical and contemporary factors which have contributed to the epidemic of fatherlessness with our society, especially within the black community. However, surveying all of these factors is outside of the scope of this article. Nonetheless, what is undeniably true, is that one of the antidotes to many of the societal ills that plague the black community, is present fathers. Surely, people can co-parent well without being married or romantically involved, but generally speaking, marriage increases the likelihood that fathers will remain tethered to their family and their children. Marriage certainly does not guarantee that one will exercise their paternal responsibilities wisely, but on the whole, it increases the likelihood that it will be the case. Fathers, or husbands for that matter, have been charged with the responsibility to be emotionally attuned to their wives, exhibit reliability, show genuine curiosity in the interests of their children, and to endow their children with guidance, discipline, and wisdom. If we desire a better future for our nation’s children, then society must promote the necessity for fathers and contribute to this endeavor by supporting and fortifying marriages.

References

Livingston, G. (2018). About one-third of U.S. children are living with an unmarried parent. Retrieved from https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/04/27/about-one-third-of-u-s-children-are-living-with-an-unmarried-parent/

United States & Moynihan, D. P. (1965). The Negro family. The case for national action. Washington, DC. 

What is your parenting style?


Authoritarian Parenting

In this style of parenting, children are expected to follow the strict rules established by the parents. Failure to follow such rules usually results in punishment. Authoritarian parents fail to explain the reasoning behind these rules. If asked to explain, the parent might simply reply, “Because I said so.”

 

Authoritative Parenting

Like authoritarian parents, those with an authoritative parenting style establish rules and guidelines that their children are expected to follow. However, this parenting style is much more democratic. Authoritative parents are responsive to their children and willing to listen to questions. When children fail to meet the expectations, these parents are more nurturing and forgiving rather than punishing. Baumrind suggests that these parents “monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative.”

 

Indulgent Parenting

Permissive parents, sometimes referred to as indulgent parents, have very few demands to make of their children. These parents rarely discipline their children because they have relatively low expectations of maturity and self-control. According to Baumrind, permissive parents “are more responsive than they are demanding. They are usually nontraditional and lenient. Permissive parents are generally nurturing and communicative with their children. This style of parenting should be careful not to take on the status of a friend more than a parent.

 

Uninvolved Parenting

An uninvolved parenting style if characterized by few demands, low responsiveness and little communication. While these parents fulfill the child’s basic needs, they are generally detached from their child’s life. In extreme cases, these parents may even reject or neglect the needs of their children.

 

The Impact of Parenting Styles

What effect do these parenting styles have on child development outcomes?

  • Authoritarian parenting styles generally lead to children who are obedient and proficient, but they rank lower in happiness, social competence and self-esteem.
  • Authoritative parenting styles tend to result in children who are happy, capable and successful.
  • Permissive parenting often results in children who rank low in happiness and self-regulation. These children are more likely to experience problems with authority and trend to perform poorly in school.
  • Uninvolved parenting styles rank lowest across all life domains. These children tend to lack self-control, have low self-esteem and are less competent than their peers.

Baumrind, D. (1989). Rearing competent children. In W. Damon (Ed.), Child development today and tomorrow (pp. 349-378). San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Baumrind, D. (1991). The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use. Journal of Early Adolescence, 11(1), 56-95.

Cyber-bullying: What it is, what to do, and how to prevent it


Any form of bullying can hurt a person’s self-esteem due to feeling not deserving of love and belonging (Brown, 2010). In the Bible, Joseph, a favored son, was bullied by his brothers out of jealousy because of the dreams God had given him. Goliath was a bully who taunted others and used power and stature to intimidate. Although these are examples of traditional bullying that occurred in the Bible, a different type of bullying has emerged in modern society called cyber-bullying.

What is cyber-bullying and why does it matter?

Cyber-bullying is when someone uses an electronic device to “threaten, harass, tease, or embarrass another person” (Greenfield, 2015, p. 144). With the development of the Internet and social media, we are now connected to others 24/7. Depending on the age group, 20-40% of young people have been cyber-bullied (Tokunaga as cited in Greenfield, p. 144). This is concerning because, unlike traditional bullying, the victim is unable to experience relief by not being around the bully. The online identity that is viewed as a “tethered self” (Turkle, 2012, p. 155) can be verbally abused by large amounts of people constantly. In 2012, a survey of US, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Australia, showed 44% of suicides from the previous 15 months were due to cyber-bullying (LeBlanc, 2012 as found in Greenfield, p. 144).

What makes cyber-bullying so prevalent?

Anonymity seems to offer people permission to experiment with a new identity on the Internet (Suler as cited in Greenfield, p. 113). Moreover, for Digital Natives, time spent online is significant, creating more opportunities for impulsive, even harmful, choices in online interactions (Whitson, 2014). Research shows that starting at age 11, kids create a different online identity that is more rude, sexy, adventurous, or risky (Kidscape as cited in Greenfield, p. 121). Additionally, the Internet can lack typical social consequences that deter traditional bullying such as the victim’s facial expression and body language, social disapproval, and the fear of getting caught, which seem to make even those who have never bullied more likely to bully online (Greenfield; Whitson). This may contribute to ideas that cyber-bullying is not wrong since research shows cyberbullies have less remorse than traditional bullies (Greenfield, p. 146). It also speaks to the “diffusion and dilution of responsibility” of online activity (Robson & Witenberg as cited in Greenfield, p. 146). For example, who will catch the bully, how will they prove the online activity was done by that person, and what are the consequences? Thankfully, schools and the legal system are improving in navigating and litigating this difficult arena.

What makes it so dangerous?

As mentioned before, the permanency and continuity of cyber-hate appears to offer no solstice for the victim. Bullies attack something about a person that can confuse the victim, troubling the view that one is valued and effective in the world. This feeling of being wrong or not good enough can bring about anxiety and depressive symptoms. The victim may feel more insecure or ashamed, begin to isolate from others, and even believe the perspective that bullies have amplified and declared as truth about the victim (see Brown, 2010). The viral nature of cyber-bullying can lead victims to make poor conclusions about their worth and identity (Whitson, 2014, p. 68). When feeling down, a youth can believe they are not worthy of love and belonging, even doubting the love received from family and friends because of the perceived overwhelming online evidence of what others believe to be true about the victim. The hopeless feeling of being unable to stop it, change it, or challenge it can lead a person to thoughts or acts of suicide. If you have been cyber-bullied, seek additional support to work through difficult emotions, find belief in yourself as a person who is worthy of love and belonging, and develop a resilient identity that is valued and that you define.

What do we do about it?

If cyber-bullied…

  1. Tell an adult
  2. Disengage from it, don’t add to it
  3. Block harassers and log off
  4. Use privacy settings
  5. Take screen shots
  6. Do something to stop it with help of adults
  7. Empathize with victims

How do we prevent it?

  1. Keep person-to-person connections strong
  2. Educate kids about Netiquette
  3. Monitor kids online
  4. Write an online agreement for family
  5. Take breaks from tech and view it as a privilege
  6. Adults hold kids accountable for online behavior

The previous two step-by-step guides can be found in the chapter on cyber-bullying in the book 8 Keys to End Bullying referenced below. For more information on overcoming bullying and understanding the impact of digital technology on our world, view the references used for this article.


Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are. Center City, MN: Hazelden.

Greenfield, S. (2015). Mind change: How digital technologies are leaving their mark on our brains. New York: Random House.

Turkle, S. (2012). Alone together: Why we expect more from technology and less from each other. New York: Basic Books.

Whitson, S. (2014). Key 4: Deal directly with cyberbullying. A chapter from 8 keys to end bullying: Strategies for parents and schools (pp. 66 -95). New York: Norton & Co.

 

 

Cornerstone Counseling Center of Chicago