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Better Than Before


We all want another chance to get something right, or to be granted a do-over.  The one question that continues to be paramount is: How do we get through this time?  A time that appears to have no set end.  Every report, conference, appointment has been completely refocused to include the impact of COVID-19 on our society, bodies, business, finances, families, churches, communities, race, culture and emotions.  Most Americans have experienced heightened anxiety, low mood, loneliness and isolation.

When I first started learning therapy skills, I learned the power of reframing.  I took a workshop that was about interventions. We had to describe the picture we saw as the presenter placed a different frame over each picture.  I started thinking about this exercise a couple of days ago and thought, in order to make this better, we have to think about this time differently.  We need to REFRAME this.  How can we not only survive this, but thrive through this so that at the end we are better than before?  I struggled to this of this differently.  This is only a reset, so that we can rest, so that we can recommit.  Let me explain what I mean.

Reset – Reset can be viewed as a re-entry to the state of zero, or to start over, or to be given another chance.  To start afresh.  I thought, the year has already started, that was our reset.  We made commitments to ourselves, we started new schedules, started a new journal and thought through the old.  We said farewell to Auid Lang Syne (Scottish for days gone by).  We let go so that we can enter in.  We embraced what could be and set our hearts to engage in new possibilities with great anticipation.  Our goals were set, our schedules were set, we were engaged and then all of a sudden it all came to a halt.  In Using a different frame:  We have been given the gift to reset again.  What a treasure and what a wonderful opportunity.  In resetting, we can clear out the last three months and try one more time.  What was not there prior, we can now add.  We can start anew and embrace the beginning once again.

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Rest –  During this period of time we have also been given the gift of rest.  I think about this more in terms of respite.  Although we were only in the 3rd month of the year, some of us were deeply engaged in completing our goals and well-set to move through to the summer with great anticipation of warmth and beauty.  We were running hard and moving fast. All of a sudden it all stopped.  In Using a different frame:  I picture respite as a little slice of joy.  I see myself resting near a pond with my toes in the warm water, the warmth of the sun on my back and the sound of beautiful birds chirping in the background. I lean back to get the full warmth of the sun as I listen to the most beautiful sound that only God can create – Birds chirping, the warm wind blowing and the thought that I’m in the best place ever.  This is what the scripture means in Hebrew about entering into His rest — His rest.  Everything about respite was created by Him. Even this small slice of time in which we are resting, and becoming comfortable with what is so odd, with what we cannot control.  Take a deep breath and enter into His rest. Hebrew 4:10 – For whoever enters into His rest, he also ceases from his own works, as God did from His.

Recommitment – The commitment we made at the beginning of the year, a couple of months ago seem so far away.  In Using a different frame:  This is an opportunity for a recommitment to self.  One of the promises that we don’t want to break is a promise we made to the self.  The promise of want to do better, be better and live better.  Some of us had already picked up bad habits.  We had fallen back into the late arrivals, the bad eating, the loss of sleep, the loss of connection with others.  In the 3rd month, this started to look like the old schedule we wanted nothing to do with.  This period of time gives us the opportunity to recommit to self.  To do what we said.  It also gives us the opportunity to recommit to family.  What a wonderful word.  It is always and has been complex but yet deep.  It has been layered, but yet beautiful.  Family is this amazing group of people that we all have been gifted with who teach us so much.  Family teaches us about how deeply we can love, and how often we can forgive.  This is a recommitment to our faith, as well.  The very essence of who we are and why we are.  It is a reassurance of what we stand for and who we are.

Yes, we will get through this.  What appears to be suffering, fear and sadness, we will get through it.  We will come out of this and we will be better than before as we use this time to reset, rest and recommit!

COVID-19 – The Worry of Violence From An Economic Crisis: Just Another Day For The Poor


  • “The opposite of poverty is justice.” Bryan Stevenson, lawyer and social justice advocate
  • “Like slavery and apartheid, poverty is not natural. It is man-made and it can be overcome and eradicated by the actions of human beings.” Nelson Mandela
  • “He that oppresseth the poor, reproacheth his Maker; but he that honoureth Him hath mercy on the poor.” Proverbs 14:31

As the federal and state sanctions unfold, in response to the Coronavirus, I find myself grateful that our nation and city are taking steps to flatten the curve of the outbreak. In so doing, it can prevent widespread panic, economic crisis, and subsequently, thoughtless violence. However, while I feel grateful, I realize I also feel afraid. And while I am sure I am not alone, rather I am joined by many Americans across the country, I also realize that my fear of unchecked panic turning violent feels eerily familiar. I think, http://v-nep.org/classroom/conducting-a-case-study-best-illustrates/04/ https://explorationproject.org/annotated/my-favorite-musician-essay/80/ viagra ten recept help online class https://www.carrollkennelclub.org/phrasing/of-mice-and-men-literary-criticism-essay/6/ write my term paper stopping prednisone without tapering dose source site pmr english model essays personal finance thesis viagra dosage high blood pressure painkillers online no prescription my dream car essay human resources essay viagra vtip https://nyusternldp.blogs.stern.nyu.edu/how-do-i-delete-multiple-emails-on-my-iphone-6s/ primary source analysis paper thesis on book https://pharmacy.chsu.edu/pages/writing-company-profiles/45/ source site Antibiotics para la arthritis paper to write on source link does cialis or viagra work better papers cite while you write how to write a research paper for english thesis samples for it students https://nebraskaortho.com/docmed/viagra-cocktail-ingredients/73/ resume samples for church secretary footballers get paid too much essay essay paragraph order of importance levitra minneola “When have I felt this before? This fear of leaving my house, and coming in contact with people?” Then I remember, “Oh. My childhood.”

Growing up in a moderate- to high-crime neighborhood, fear was a common feeling. Not to mention, being a female and a child/youth meant I was part of a population that was vulnerable to certain crimes. I would not have admitted it then, because the fear was masked by its defensive cousin: anger. However, no matter how the fear was presented, it was a sort of oppression–“mental pressure of distress” (Oxford Dictionary). In this state of fear, I learned from various sources that “I can’t cross the front gate”, “I shouldn’t look at people when I’m walking down the street”, and “even if I feel like someone is going to touch me [perversely or violently], I should hit them”: this way, I would be aware of the real dangers I faced, and the damage to me would be minimal.

Then, things changed.  As I journeyed from the inner city via CTA to a better high school and college education, I noticed a different type of oppression: one centered around race, ethnicity, and socioeconomic status (SES). It was no longer a physical issue, it was a mental one. I did not have the words to describe it then, so I initially tolerated the microaggressions silently: my peers turning away dismissively when I would begin to speak in group discussion, and chuckling comments like, “I’m sorry, can you say that in English?” when I was clearly speaking English. Seemingly unprompted, I became more aware of my Latina-ness, and the “inequitable distribution of power” (Wyatt & Hardy, 2008) I experienced as a person of lower SES and of color.  I was unaware and unprepared for this kind of danger.

This experience of loss of power–“the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events” (Oxford Dictionary)–subsequently exposed me to feelings of inferiority. Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy describes the positions in this struggle as 1) the privileged and 2) the subjugated (Hardy, 2016). And, let me tell you, feeling inferior: MADE. ME. ANGRY. I played reels of violent responses in my mind. But over time, I built a thickness of skin and learned to speak, and write, and hold my ground relentlessly. Psychotherapy and the prayers of persistent parents shaped my perseverance. Yet my anger did not resolve. To cope, I often shamed myself, believing that this aggressive predisposition did not fit my childhood experience. I would tell myself, “I came from an intact family, my parents were involved and supportive, and Christian values were a high priority in my education”. My mind would circle back to the question, “So, where did the aggression come from?” After wrestling with this for years, I have since been able to ask a more telling question: “when (or, in what instances) was anger experienced? And from where did I learn how to respond?”

As an adult, I have gained life-changing insights from my training in patterns of behavior and Life Styles–“This expression does not refer to a particular way of life, but to how different aspects of the personality [emotional and cognitive organization] work together” (Oberst & Stewart, 2005, p. 19). I have come to understand that in my early years of anger and fighting, it was often for the purpose of 1) protecting others, or 2) exerting my own physical/mental power in response to others’ imposition of power over me (i.e. self-defense, or perceived unjust use of power by peers or authority). I can now argue that my aggression was the start of a passion for social justice. So instead of shame, I receive empowerment, and invite wisdom to guide me to healthier responses. Therefore, as I currently fear the outbreak of violence, introspect my own history with anger and violence, and study patterns of behavior, the question begs, “what will make people violent in a time like this?”

And the answer is the same: Poverty. Inferiority. Loss of power.

Poverty is not merely the absence of money, it is a psychological state of powerlessness. The Institute for Research on Poverty (IRP) posits that “scarcity experienced as a result of economic instability and poverty reduces already limited cognitive resources, resulting in detrimental behaviors and ineffective decision-making ” (2011). IRP additionally exposes that poverty has also been linked to higher risk of illness (2013). This means that unhealthy decision-making and risk of illness in the poor or under-resourced is not based on biological inferiorities, rather, it is based on the psychological oppression of the experience of powerlessness. Further, people of color and the underrepresented (to varying degrees, and despite income status) encounter a similar psychological experience of powerlessness. And finally, I would argue that this reveals that ANYONE, despite privilege or skin color, is capable of violence if they experience loss of power, increased panic, and extreme financial distress.

So, what is the connection between this and the state of the world regarding COVID-19? To name a few: the mental-emotional state of uncertainty, desperation, hopelessness, and fear. If you are not currently in poverty (in terms of wealth, health, or privilege) but fear it, count yourself blessed. You are ahead of the curve and you still have power. But if this is just another day of fear, violence, high risk of illness, and inequitable power for you, and/or you are in poverty, know that your mind does not have to be. There is hope and power lying inside each of us, even if it is inequitable. Faith and early experiences have taught me of resilience: ultimately, that WE. WILL. SURVIVE. Therefore, I urge you to use your influence to inspire peace (versus violence), understanding (versus power-struggle), conscientiousness (of the poor, and of privilege), and solidarity in our collective struggle.

Stay connected and wash your hands.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

“Stop your fighting — [Be still] and know that I am God…” Psalm 46:11

References

Hardy, K. V. (2016). Anti-racist approaches for shaping theoretical and practice paradigms. In M. Pender-Greene & A. Siskin (Eds.), Anti-racist strategies for the health and human services. Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press.

Institute for Research on Poverty (2011). The Psychology of Poverty. Fast, Vol. 28 (1), 19-22. Retrieved from https://www.irp.wisc.edu/publications/focus/pdfs/foc281e.pdf

Institute for Research on Poverty (2013). [Fact Sheet] Poverty Fact Sheet: Poor and In Poor Health. Retrieved from https://www.irp.wisc.edu/publications/factsheets/pdfs/PoorInPoorHealth.pdf

Oberst, U.E., & Stewart, A.E. (2005). Adlerian Psychotherapy: An Advanced Approach to Individual Psychotherapy. New York, NY: Routledge.

Oppression. (n.d.). In Lexipro Powered by Oxford.  Retrieved from https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/oppression

Power. (n.d.). In Lexipro Powered by Oxford. Retrieved from  https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/power

Violence.  (n.d.). In Lexipro Powered by Oxford. Retrieved from https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/violence Wyatt, R.C. (Interviewer) & Hardy, K.V. (Interviewee). (2008).  Kenneth V. Hardy on Multiculturalism and Psychotherapy [Interview transcript]. Retrieved from Psychotherapy.net website: https://www.psychotherapy.net/interview/kenneth-hardy

Come As You Are: Examining Our Own Narratives Around Food, Health, and Body Image


Common assumptions around eating disorders often narrowly focus on an individual’s food intake and exercise. It’s time to examine how cultural norms directly impact all of us. A leading factor in the development of disordered eating is a cultural emphasis on being thin (Culbert, Racine, & Klump, 2015). When thinness is celebrated and equated with health, anyone outside of thinness is subjected to weight stigma and bias. One’s “discipline” and even morality is questioned. Weight stigma is a subsequent threat in and of itself as a risk factor for depression and anxiety (Andreyeva, Puhl, & Brownell, 2008). Rather than investing our time, money, and energy into a narrow and often impossible standard, what if our focus is to work against weight stigma and the idealization of thinness? 

This work begins with ourselves, in identifying the ways we have internalized messages of shame for our bodies, or perhaps in how we have pursued and been devoted to this standard of thinness. For parents and caregivers there is a compelling obligation to consider one’s own beliefs and actions around health, wellness, and eating patterns for the sake of their children. All children are currently composing their own narrative of what it means to “be healthy” and are modeling behaviors from those around them, for better or for worse. (Andreyeva, Puhl, & Brownell, 2008). 

This work is individual and collective. National Eating Disorders Awareness Week is from February 24th-March 1st. The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) theme for this year is “Come As You Are, Hindsight is 2020.” Let us take time, be it in conversations, prayer, or in counseling to reflect about our own narratives around food, health, and body image. Let us work toward a culture in our families and communities that speaks to each and every one: “Come as you are.”

References

Andreyeva, T., Puhl, R. M. and Brownell, K. D. (2008), Changes in Perceived Weight Discrimination Among Americans, 1995–1996 Through 2004–2006. Obesity, 16: 1129–1134. doi:10.1038/oby.2008.35

Culbert, K. M., Racine, S. E., & Klump, K. L. (2015). Research Review: What we have learned about the causes of eating disorders – a synthesis of sociocultural, psychological, and biological research. J Child Psychol Psychiatry, 56(11), 1141-1164. 

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